1. Know What You Want Most
While there are a lot of things each of us probably wants, we have to have the discipline to figure out what it is that we want THE MOST.
I love to act, make films, sing, basically do anything that puts me in the lime light. I'm kind of narcissistic that way I guess. Those things have always been fun to me. I studied acting and film at school and I knew, all growing up that I wanted to pursue those things. I still do. I still love doing those things. Those are career goals for me, I guess you could say. I want to do those things.
I have also come to know that I don't want that the most. While it is my passion and what frequently feels like my lifeblood, I want a happy family the most. I want a marriage that lasts forever. I want my children to grow up in a home where they feel loved and appreciated. I have learned that this is what makes me the happiest. I have learned that for me, more important than a career that I have or the fame I have won, or the talent I seem to possess is the type of home I retire to every day.
What does this mean for me? Straight out of college, I would have loved more than anything to pursue film careers, audition for plays and films, look for opportunities in the line of work that I had studied while I was at college.
But, I didn't do that. I didn't even try to do that. And despite how much I love doing those things, I don't regret it. I got a job working at Wells Fargo. My husband and I talked about what was best for our family. We needed stability. We needed health insurance. We needed help financially. Without these things, it would be impossible to grow our little family. Because of those sacrifices, we are excited rather than terrified to welcome our new daughter into our family in December.
Does this mean everyone needs to choose exactly the way I chose? No.
I'm excited to be a mom. I'm excited to start a family. For me, that is what I wanted MOST.
For my husband and myself to achieve the most important goal, we did whatever it took to make that happen, even if that meant sacrificing some of the other 'wants' that we had.
2. Know Who You Are
This may be a tall order. One of the oldest questions is, "Who am I?" It's alluded to in movies.
When Mufasa's last advice that he imparts to Simba is, "Remember... who you are." The thunderous voice echoes over and over again. And Simba, of course is left confused and bewildered, just like many of us are.
How does one figure that out? I can remember my mom giving me the same advice as I would go to parties with my friends in high school. And I would brush it off as some archaic anecdote.
But the question remains. And while you may not share my belief of who we are, it's important for you to know for yourself. I think the Lion King gets it right. When Simba, is shirking his responsibilities and clearly not living up to his potential, Nala tells him who he is. "You are a King."
I believe that I am a daughter of God. I believe He loves me and wants what is best for me. By knowing this I try to behave like a daughter of God.
There's that phrase that is often repeated, "To Thine Own Self, Be True". If that's true, than we better know who 'thine own self' really is.
While my belief may be at the center of this principle, there are other things to consider as well. I have to know my personality. I am the kind of person who says what she thinks. I don't mince words (and as my husband would testify, that isn't always a good thing). I value my friends a lot. I don't get a lot of thrill from being surrounded by people I kind of know. I love being surrounded by a few people I really know.
So, if I don't want to live with regrets, I have to know who I am so I can direct my choices accordingly. If I'm a daughter of God, I should treat everyone else I know as a son or daughter of God. I can also recognize that my unfiltered honesty is not always the most helpful. By knowing who I am, I have the power to make decisions that jive with "me".
The last thing I want to say about this section is that one of the things I know about myself, is that I am not perfect. No one is. The sooner we recognize our imperfections, the easier it is to let go of our supposed shortcomings.
This picture here on the left has to represent one of my weaker moments. Prior to me getting pregnant, my mom and I were talking about running a half marathon together. This would be our second one and the thought was exciting.
While this was great in theory, I later became pregnant, and running a half marathon at four months along didn't sound like the most fun. I decided instead to do a 5K, with my two sisters. Well, let me paint a picture for you. Austin, my husband, and I were literally moving out of our apartment the next morning. We had spent the entire day taking pictures and video for a wedding and had spent the entire week leading up to it getting less than 5 hours of sleep every night. And oh yeah, I'm pregnant so I've been throwing up non-stop for the last couple of months.
A quote comes to mind:
"And see that all these things are done in wisdom and order; for it is not requisite that a man should run faster than he has strength. And again, it is expedient that he should be diligent, that thereby he might win the prize; therefore, all things must be done in order." - Mosiah 4:27
I would have done well to listen to this. I was trying to do everything. And instead, I ended up doing some of these things not as effectively as I could have. I WALKED the entire 5K. I could not have run if my life depended on it. My body was worn and ragged and my hobbling was all I had left. I would have crawled if it wouldn't have been so embarrassing. I finished dead last. Packing up our apartment was not what you might call a success. Two months later, we are still looking for some of the items that were misplaced. But, we did give our all for that wedding shoot.
It is okay to not do everything. I regret trying to do everything. While the 5K was a fun bonding experience and I can look back on it and laugh now, I don't think it was the most wise decision.
3. Know Whether Who You are or What You Want is More Important
The last principle weighing the two principles I've already mentioned. Instead of trying to explain this one logistically, I'll just give an example.
Memorial Day weekend, I was 3 months pregnant. My husband and I went to a water park after visiting my Grandmother's grave. We were with my family and there were fun slides, there was a rock climbing wall on the side of the pool and we were excited to play!
The rock wall on the side of the pool looked something like this. In my mind, I am a climber. I love to rock climb and I guess in some small way, that is how I define myself. I can climb.
But, I'm also 3 months pregnant. All the pregnancy advice says to avoid doing things that could jar the baby or hurt her.
I now have a dilemma. My 'who I am' and 'what I want most' are conflicting.
Then I learned an important lesson. While I may be a rock climber, I did not have to make sure that others knew that I was a rock climber. I could be confident and self-assured enough to just know that that is who I am, whether or not my husband, siblings or the other people at the pool knew it. So, I grabbed onto the wall when it was my turn and I climbed to the second little block there on the left side and then let go. I didn't want to risk falling from higher. I could still climb the wall, but I didn't have to prove that I was indeed the climber that I believed I was.
In this case, what I want MOST trumped who I am. Or perhaps the need to show everyone, 'who I am'.
Needless to say, I don't regret my decision. I can guarantee that I would have regretted it if I had climbed to the top and something had happened to the baby.
So, in the end, I have learned that if I let those three principles govern my life, I live with less regrets. I still make mistakes, after all, that's part of who I am. But I have the peace that most of the time I am being true to myself and getting what I truly want most.
So, in the end, I have learned that if I let those three principles govern my life, I live with less regrets. I still make mistakes, after all, that's part of who I am. But I have the peace that most of the time I am being true to myself and getting what I truly want most.
